Behind closed doors
by Jaque Forever
Summary: Tom goes undercover to help a teenager. Things were out of control when Hanson is trapped himself. The Jump Street officers manage to rescue him, but something happened to the young police officer that he doesn't remember. The only one who knows what happened to him is his best friend. Now Doug Penhall holds a shocking secret that can break Tom's soul (COMPLETE)
1. Chapter 1

**Behind closed doors**

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own 21 Jump Street or any of it characters. 

**Timeline:** Season's two "I'm ok, you need work". This story won't follow the cannon.

 **Summary:** Set during season's two "I'm ok, you need work". Tom goes undercover to help a teenager he had arrested a year ago for drug possession. Things were out of control when Hanson is trapped himself. The Jump Street officers manage to rescue him, but something happened to the young police officer that he doesn't remember.  
The only one who knows what happened to him is his best friend. Now Doug Penhall holds a shocking secret that can break Tom's soul.

 **Chapter one: Trapped**

Tom Hanson was in the isolation room. He had been in restraints for at least 8 hours. The young cop went undercover to help Kenny, but now he was locked up in the clinic.

"Dammit," he muttered to himself.

"How are you?" Mr. Rafferty asked, after he walked into the room.

Tom looked angrily at him. "I'm restrained for 8 hours. This is wrong! According to the law, 4 hours is the maximum!"

"Really? I don't care…" Rafferty smirked. "I know you were talking too much to Kenny. So I have a question for you. Did you help him to escape?" he asked, tightening the restraints.

Tom groaned in pain and turned to him. "What you're doing is illegal," he informed him, ignoring his question.

Rafferty rolled his eyes. "You know," he said, tightening the restraints again. "You're not being smart, pretty boy…" he scuffed.

Tom clenched his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to hide the pain in his wrist. "Let me go…"

Rafferty crossed his arms against his chest. "You didn't answer my question. Did you help Kenny to escape?"

 _Kenny… He was supposed to help the teenager to get out of this clinic, to get away from this sickened place, but now he was trapped there. Probably Kenny wasn't able to wait for him anymore and found a way to escape_.

Rafferty got angry at Tom's silence. "Where's Kenny?" he asked threateningly.

"You son of a bitch, what you're doing is illegal!" Tom shouted at him. "I am an undercover cop."

The old man let out a small laugh. "An undercover cop? You really need to stay here with us…"

"I am telling the truth, let me call to my captain," Tom argued.

Suddenly, Raffert became very serious. "You're not a cop," he said, caressing Tom's face. "You're just a punk little liar… And no one cares about you, no one cares about what happens to you…"

Tom frowned and felt a shiver ran down his spine. "Let me go," he said, clearing his throat.

"No, you'll stay here," Raffert smiled at him and left the room. Tom struggled to free himself from the restraints. "Dammit!" he cursed under his breath.

Five minutes later, Raffert came back, with a needle in his right hand. "What are you doing?" Tom asked, trying to hide his fear.

"You need to calm down…" Rafferty said. "I'll help you…"

Tom struggled, as the drugs made their way into his system. Little by little, he closed his eyes and his body stopped the fighting.

Rafferty sighed deeply and caressed Tom's face. He took a key and locked the room's door. "Don't worry," he said. "I won't hurt you, pretty boy…"

 _Chapel_

"Penhal," Fuller called Doug. "A court date has been moved and they need Tom to testify. I need the ski resort's phone number…"  
Penhall looked at him blankly.

Fuller rolled his eyes.

"Doug…" he shot a glance at the young officer. "Do you know something?"

"No… Look, he's in vacation… But don't worry. I'll call him," Doug assured his captain.


	2. Missing

**Chapter 2: Missing**

 _The isolation room_

When Tom woke up, he was still in the same room, strapped to the bed, powerless to move. He was tired and his body was sore.

"So… you finally woke up," Rafferty said, looking at him.

"Let me go," Tom muttered. "This is illegal…"

"Kenny died," Rafferty coldly informed him.

Tom sucked in a ragged breath and pinched his eyes closed. _He failed. Kenny was count on him and now he was dead. He couldn't help Kenny, he couldn't even help himself_.

"We found him in the air shaft. He got stuck and suffocated," Rafferty quietly explained. "Did you know what he was trying to do?"

Tom shook his head. "No…" he let out in a whisper.

"No?" Rafferty raised an eyebrow. "So… You had no idea of what Kenny was planning to do?"

Tom shook his head. He really had no idea. But still he felt guilty. He shouldn't wait to call Fuller. Everything was his fault. "Let me go…" he muttered.

Rafferty sighed. "No… You still need my help, but don't worry," he said, caressing Tom's face. "I will take care of you…"

Tom turned his face away. "Don't…"

"Don't what?" Rafferty asked.

"Don't touch me…"

Rafferty pulled his hand away from Tom's face. He looked from Tom to his own hand. Maybe this guy remembered something. But he couldn't. It was impossible. Wasn't it?

Tom frowned in confusion. _This guy, Mr. Rafferty, was acting strange towards him. Tom felt shivers running down his spine every time this guy laid his eyes on him. He couldn't tell why, but there was something wrong, very wrong, in the way he stared at him_.

"Let me go… You can't keep me here..." Tom said, his voice almost cracking.

Rafferty shook his head. Tom was right, he needed to stop this sick game. The young man in front of him had no idea what happened when he was sedated. He would never remember, but still it had to stop.

He didn't say anything, he just left the room.

Tom struggled one more time in frustration. His wrists were already bloody from his struggles against his restraints. He cursed himself for his stupidity. He should talk to Doug about what he wanted to do. No one knew where he was and his life was in danger.

 _Chapel_

"Amy doesn't know where he is," Judy told Doug, Fuller and Ioki. "Neither his mother… and now she's worried," she shook her head.

"He didn't check into the ski resort," Doug said.

"What if he had an accident," Judy frowned. "I'm really worried about him."

Fuller shook his head. "Tom is a grow man…"

"A grown man who is be missing for three days," she said in concern.

Fuller sighed. Judy was right. Something bad happened to Tom. "Doug? Are you sure you don't know where Hanson is?"

Doug sighed. "I don't know where he is, but he talked to me something about Kenny… Look, he's very worried about this kid. Maybe he's trying to help him."

 _Rafferty's office_

"You need to rewrite this," Rafferty said to a doctor. "The way you wrote this… Looks like the hospital was negligent…"

"I don't like lies… and I don't want to send Henderson to the State Hospital. C'mon, you know what happened in that place! They won't help him… The place is a damn warehouse! Why are you so interested to send him there?" The doctor asked.

Rafferty took a deep, hard breath. He couldn't tell this doctor his dirty little secret. He just needed to get off of Henderson. "He's a problem… He only caused trouble since he arrived here… Look, he tried to attack me, he tell me he's an undercover cop. Look, this is not a request, this is an order! Fix the report and sign the papers to send Henderson to State Hospital!"

The doctor sighed. One hour later, Tom was sedated again. He was strapped to a gurney and paramedics load him into an ambulance.

Rafferty sighed in relief as the ambulance disappeared in the streets. _Tom Henderson would never remember what had happened to him in the isolation room._ _It would be like it never happened_.


	3. Lost and found

**Lost and Found**

 _Weckerly's house_

The doorbell rang and Kenny's sister, Noreen, opened the door. She saw Judy and Fuller and let them in. "We're looking for our friend, officer Tom Hanson…" Judy said.

Mr. Weckerly walked into the living room and stared at them. "Hanson?" he frowned.

Fuller nodded. "We're here because officer Hanson is missing…"

"He was worried about Kenny," Judy quietly explained. "We wonder if you know something about him… please, he's missing…"

Mr. Weckerly took a deep sigh and looked at his daughter. "Officer Hanson tried to talk to me about that clinic. Maybe I should listen to him…"

"Kenny died," Noreen said, her eyes filled with tears.

Judy rested her hand over her heart. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

* * *

 _Rafferty's office_

Rafferty cleared his throat, as Judy and Fuller explained to him about the young police officer they were searching.

"Nothing like this has ever happened before," he said. "I mean, a police officer… We work with teenagers here."

"Maybe he was undercover…" Judy quietly explained.

Rafferty shook his head.

 _Henderson. He told him he was an undercover cop. But he was lying, he was just a punk little liar, he wasn't old enough to be a police officer…_

 _Or was he?_

Judy looked up at him. "We want to look around, maybe someone…"

"I don't think so," Rafferty shook his head. "Look, you can't just interrogate my patients…"

"We won't," Judy assured him. "We'll only talk to them."

Rafferty shook his head again. "I am really sorry, but I can't let you talk to the patients, not without a warrant."

Fuller grinned and pulled a warrant from his pocket. "Here," he said.

Judy smiled. "So…"

Rafferty sighed. He didn't have other choice. Anyway, nobody knew what happened at the isolation room. "C'mon," he said, opening the door.

Judy and Fuller followed him to the dayroom.

Fuller approached one of the patients. "Excuse me," he said to them. "I want to ask you some questions…"

"Sorry, captain," Rafferty said. "But I'm pretty sure your warrant doesn't included interrogations…"

"We're only trying to find Officer Hanson," Fuller said almost angrily.

"I know… Let's continue your look around, captain," Rafferty shot a glance at him.

"Maybe you could ask questions for me," Fuller suggested.

"Jeffrey," Rafferty called one of the patients. "Did you see a cop? I mean is there a police officer here?"

The patient nodded. "Yeah, two cops and a guy who can fly."

Fuller sighed in frustration. Meanwhile, Judy walked into a hall. She approached a patient named Tina. "Whoa, you're really beautiful," the patient said. "Are you new here?"

"I am not a patient," Judy explained. "I am a police officer… Look, did you see this guy?" she asked, showing her a photo of Tom.

Tina looked around her uncomfortable. "He's not here anymore…"

"Where's he?" Judy demanded.

Tina remained silent, like she was afraid of something or someone.

"Where's he?" Judy asked firmly.

"He was transferred… to State Hospital," the teenager explained.

* * *

 _State Hospital_

"I can't remember anyone," the nurse said to Fuller and Judy. "Look, on a night like this, we could get a dozen guys like your friend."

Fuller sighed in frustration. "He's 5'10, 165 pounds…" he tried to describe Hanson.

"He has dark hair and brown eyes," Judy added.

"Look, maybe you can check with admitting, because he might not be in a permanent bed yet…" the nurse suggested.

Judy and Fuller exchanged glances and headed upstairs. The place was horrible. For one moment, Judy thought she was in a horror movie. Screams, crazed laughter, moans… "C'mon," Fuller gently touched her arm, leading her into a room. She looked patient by patient.

"He's not here," she said in frustration and turned to walk way.

"Wait," Fuller gently touched his shoulder. "There," he looked at one bed. It was a patient under the blankets. They walked to him and took the blanket off him.

"Hanson," Judy muttered, helping him to sit up.

"Take it easy, we'll take you home," Fuller said.

* * *

 _Tom's apartment  
Bedroom_

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Fuller asked Judy.

The young police officer nodded. "I'll sleep on the floor… Amy's not in the city and his mother will be here only tomorrow. We can't leave him alone…"

Fuller looked at Tom, who was lying on the bed. "His wrists are bruised…" he said.

"I'll take care of him, don't worry…" Judy assured him.

Fuller sighed. "He shouldn't lie to me and go there all by himself…"

Judy smiled softly. "You'll tell him when he gets better…"

"I assure you… He'll never do something like this again…" Fuller said.

Judy stared at him and let out a slight smile. Fuller was their captain, but sometimes he was like a father to them. He was really worried about Tom's safety. "Good night, cap…"

"Good night, Judy," he said and walked away.

The young police officer took care of Tom's wrists. She frowned, as he slightly struggled at her touch. "It's okay, Tom…" she said, trying to calm him down. At her words, he stopped the struggle. "You're gonna be fine," she said, caressing his face.

Judy looked around her and took a pillow and a blanket. She laid the blanket on the floor and put the pillow on top of it.

"Good night, Tom!" Judy said softly, placing her hand in his forehead.

"Don't… touch me…" Tom whispered.

"Tom," Judy muttered in concern. "It's me… Judy…"

"Judy…" he muttered, his eyes closed.

"Yeah… I'm here with you, everything is gonna be okay…" she assured him.

Next day, Judy went to the kitchen and made some coffee. "Hi," she smiled, as she saw Tom standing in front of her.

"Judy…" he muttered.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked, walking to him.

Tom nodded. "Just a little dizzy…"

"We were so worried about you," she said, caressing his face. "I'm glad you're safe…"

"Thank you…" he said softly. He didn't remember too much of happened to him.

"You're welcome," she said, hugging him. "Soon your mother will be here… Don't look at me like this. You're still feeling dizzy, your words."

Tom shrugged.

"And Amy… I already call her to tell we found you…" she added. As Tom shot another glance at her, she added. "What? You were missing, Tom! I had to call her to ask about you. She was worried, she really likes you…"

Tom lowered his head. _He wanted to break up with Amy. The truth was he liked her, he cared about her, but he didn't love her. The woman he really loved was right there in front of him_.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You're trying to help Kenny, your intentions were good…" she said.

"But look how it ended…" he shook his head.

"It wasn't your fault, Hanson," she said softly, caressing his face.

He took her hands in his and cleared his throat. He was about to talk something, when someone knocked the door.

Judy turned around and Tom closed his eyes. _He couldn't understand how he could feel frustration and relieve at same time_.

He walked to the door. It was her mother.

"Hi, mom," he said.

His mother threw her arms around him. "I was so worried about you, I thought the worst happened…" she said, almost crying.

Judy rubbed the back of her neck. It wasn't her intention to scare Hanson's mother.

"I am fine," Tom assured her.

His mother nodded. "And you…" she turned to Judy, walking to her. "Thank you so much for take care of him," she said, enveloping the young police officer in a hug.

Tom suppressed his laugh.

"Tom's a good friend," Judy explained. "And I care a lot about him," she said softly.

"I know, sweetie," Tom's mother said.

"Well, I think he's in good hands now…" Judy said. "I need to go to work."

Tom walked to her and gave her a hug. "Thank you…"

* * *

 _Rafferty's office_

Rafferty cleared his throat, as Doug Penhall explained to him that they found Officer Tom Hanson. As soon as Judy and Fuller found Tom, Doug decided to pay a little visit to Mr. Rafferty.

"He's too young to be a cop," he muttered. He wasn't lying; he really was a damn undercover cop. "He's only…"

"He's a cop," Doug shook his head. "He was trying to understand what's happening in this clinic… Kenny's sister asked for his help… It seems a lot of wrong things happen in this place."

Rafferty cleared his throat. "Kenny's death wasn't our fault," he defended himself.

"And what about Hanson?" Doug asked.

"I didn't know he's a cop," Rafferty said. "I didn't!"

Doug shook his head. "It doesn't matter, man… it doesn't matter…"

Rafferty sighed. Doug was right. It didn't matter at all. "You right," he said, looking for something in his desk. It was a gun…

"Hey…" Doug felt his blood turned into ice, as the man held the gun against his own head. "I am really sorry…" Raffert muttered.

"Oh, man! Take it easy. Don't do something stupid," Doug said, trying to calm him down.

"I already done something stupid," the man said, his hands trembling. "You know… after all those years with these patients, hearing their sickened stories; I… I think I looked too deep down into the abyss…"

Doug frowned. He had no idea of what that man was trying to tell him. "Look, man, put the gun down. We can talk about it…"

"I always controlled myself," Rafferty assured him. "But this time… I couldn't… But I didn't hurt him… maybe only a little… He was sedated, he won't remember, he has no idea…"

"Who?" Penhall asked, clearing his throat.

"Your friend…" Rafferty said, his voice almost cracking.

Penhall felt a shiver ran down his spine. "What you've done to him?" he asked angrily.

Rafferty cleared his throat and pressed the gun even more against his own head. "I sedated him… and wait until he closed his eyes. I took off his restraints and laid him on the floor…" he said, then paused for a moment. "Then I did it…"

"Did what?" Penhall asked, fearing the answer.

"Rape," he let out in a breath.

Penhall almost lost his balance. _He suddenly felt sick, his stomach twisted at the word he just heard from Rafferty. Did he hear it right? The man in front of him was confessing that he raped Hanson? This couldn't be true. Tom was a police officer, a good damn police officer, his partner and best friend. Something like this would never happen to him. Not to him_.

"What did you say?" he asked, his eyes became very somber.

"I'm really sorry for your friend, officer… He doesn't know what I did to him, he doesn't know he was raped… But I… I will always know. I will always now that I hurt him," he said and pulled the trigger.


	4. Secret

**Secret**

 _Chapel  
Fuller's office._

"So…" Fuller looked at Doug. "What happened?" he asked in concern. It was disturbing that Mr. Rafferty killed himself in front of one of his officers.

"I don't know, captain," Doug sighed. "The guy was distressed. He took the gun and pulled the trigger."

"He just pulled the trigger? Didn't he tell you anything?" Fuller raised an eyebrow.

Doug rubbed the back of his neck. _He didn't tell to the other officers what Rafferty confessed to him. He was shocked by what he had learned and decided to keep his mouth shut._ "He… He said that he looked too deep down into the abyss," he muttered.

Fuller shook his head. "I think he had a lot in his conscience…"

Doug nodded and lowered his head. His captain could say he was sad. In his first year at the force, Fuller witnessed a man committing suicide. It was a traumatic event for him. He wondered how it affected the young officer.

"Are you okay?" Fuller asked.

Doug closed his eyes and shook his head. _He wasn't okay. Rafferty confessed to him that he raped his best friend, then killed himself. That horrible man hurt his friend and he was the only one who knew what really happened to Tom. Hell, he couldn't say it, he couldn't repeat what he heard from Rafferty. He loved Tom like a brother and Rafferty's confession just broke his heart._ "I'm fine, Coach, I'm worried about Hanson."

"Hanson will be fine," Fuller assured him. "Judy spent the night in his apartment. He was drugged, has some bruises on his wrists, but he had luck…"

Penhall closed his eyes. Tom wasn't luck at all. "Sir…"

Fuller looked at him, waiting to see what he would say.

"I…" Doug's voice cracked. _He should tell Fuller what happened in Rafferty's office – what really happened in Rafferty's office. But then he hesitated. Hanson had the right to know what happened to him before anyone. He couldn't tell Fuller first, he must give Hanson the right to decide what do._

 _What to do… Rafferty was already dead. There was nothing to be done anymore._

 _Hell, he didn't know what to do._

"Are you sure you're alright?" Fuller frowned.

Doug nodded. "I… I am, sir," he said, trying to compose himself.

"You need to see the psychiatrist," Fuller said in concern. "I mean, you saw the guy killing himself…"

Doug sighed. "I know… But I'm fine" he said and left Fuller's office. He was walking to his desk, when he saw Judy. "Hey…" he muttered.

"Hey…" she said softly.

"How's he?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"His mother is with him. He'll be fine, Doug…" she assured him. "So… Rafferty killed himself."

Doug nodded. "The guy is… was nuts…"

"I think so…" Judy said. "Are you okay?"

Penhall sighed. "Yeah, I am fine…"

"I mean the guy killed himself in front of you…" she remarked.

Penhall cleared his throat. _It was really a shock when Rafferty pulled the trigger. His mother killed herself when he was six years old, the whole scene made him remembered the worst of his life. It was a pain he had to live with._

 _A pain he had to live with…_

 _If Rafferty told the truth, Tom had no idea of what happened to him. It didn't hurt, because Tom didn't know, had no memories… Maybe he should keep his mouth shut and don't hurt his best friend._

 _The man was already dead. The only thing Tom would do was grief._

 _A part of him wished he had never learned the truth._

"Doug?" Judy rested her hand over his left arm.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm fine… The guy was a monster. The world is better without him."

Judy frowned. "Penhall…"

"What?! Look, I won't stand here and lie…" Doug said almost angrily. "I don't feel sorry for him, I feel sorry for Hanson and Kenny…"

Judy sighed. "I feel sorry for them too, but at least Hanson will be okay…"

"I dunno," he said, walking way.


	5. What I can't tell you

_**What I can't tell you**_

 _Tom's apartment_  
 _Living room_

"I am fine, you shouldn't worry about me," Tom assured his mother. _All he wanted was to be alone and forget everything that happened in that clinic._

"Are you sure?" she rested her hand over his shoulder.

Tom nodded. "Judy babysitted me the whole night," he said. "I'm feeling better now…"

"Okay, so I'll go back home… But if something happens…"

"I'll call you," Tom assured her. "Don't worry, I'm fine…"

His mother left and Tom sat on his couch. He was tired and his body was sore.

He was going to his bedroom when he heard the doorbell ring.

"Doug," he said, as he opening the door. "Come on in…"

Doug let out a small breath and walked into the apartment. It was hard to look at his friend and pretend that he didn't know what happened to him. "Hey, man! How are you doing?"

Tom rubbed the back of his neck. "Fine, I guess… Just a little dizzy, but I'm feeling better."

"Do you need something?"Doug asked in concern. "Judy told me your mother was here…"

"I am fine, I just told her to go back home," he said.

Doug looked at Tom's wrists and shook his head. " _He_ … They hurt you…"

"It was the restraints," Tom explained, as he saw Doug staring at his bruises. "I struggled to get free, but I hurt myself."

"You should tell me what you were doing…" Doug said quietly.

Tom lowered his head. "I know… I wanted to help Kenny," he shook his head and sat on the couch. "I failed…"

Doug breathed. His friend was feeling guilt, blaming himself for Kenny's death. "Look, I have to tell you something," he said and Tom looked up at him.

"I went to Rafferty's office," Doug rubbed the back of his neck. "He was very distressed and… well, he pulled a gun."

"Oh God!" Tom muttered.

"He killed himself," Doug said.

Tom looked at his friend in shock and confusion. Did he hear it right? Rafferty killed himself?

"I think he was feeling guilty for all the things he had done…" Doug added, as he noticed the shock in his friend's face.

Tom nodded. "He was certainly responsible for Kenny's death."

Doug lowered his head. "Tom, do you remember what he done to you?" he asked, knowing he was walking into dangerous territory.

"They drugged me, sedated me," Tom explained. "They put me on restraints, Rafferty, he…" he paused a little staring at his bruised wrists. "He tightened the restraints to make me talk about Kenny. It hurt me. I told him that what he was doing was illegal, I told him I was a cop, but he mocked me…"

"And?"

Tom sighed. He remembered how uncomfortable he felt when Rafferty caressed his face, but he decided to not to describe it to his friend. "I asked him to let me go… but he… he sedated me… I fell asleep… When I woke up, he was there again… told me Kenny was dead."

"That's it?" Doug asked.

Tom cleared his throat.

 _"Let me go…" he muttered._

 _"No… You still need my help, but don't worry," Rafferty said, caressing Tom's face._ _"I will take care of you…"_

 _Tom turned his face away._ _"Don't…"_

 _"Don't what?" Rafferty asked._

 _"Don't touch me…"_

"That's it," Tom said, trying to send the memory away. "I mean, the nurses came back and sedated me again… I think it was when they took me to the hospital…"

"Are you sure you're telling me everything?" Doug asked.

Tom looked at his friend in confusion. He knew Doug very well, his friend was worried about something. "Yeah… I mean this Rafferty guy was kind of creepy, you know… but…"

"Creepy?" Doug raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, creepy," Tom slightly shook his head. "He was weird… he… well, he… forget it…"

"Tell me…"

Tom remained silent. He was hesitating. Maybe he remembered something, Doug thought. "Tom… talk to me…"

Tom rubbed the back of his neck. "It wasn't a big deal… He caressed my face, I couldn't move away from him… It was creepy and uncomfortable."

Doug nodded and cleared his throat. _So Tom didn't remember everything. But what he remembered was enough to make him uncomfortable. He could see it in Tom's eyes. His friend was feeling embarrassed._ "Well, it's over now… you're back home."

Tom nodded. "Yeah… But Kenny is not," he said in frustration.

"What happened to Kenny wasn't your fault," Doug argued.

Tom shook his head. "I should call Fuller that night. I decided to wait until the morning and everything goes wrong. I blew it!"

Doug sighed. "Maybe you should call Fuller… and you should tell someone what you were doing, but you didn't…"

Tom lowered his head.

"But you were trying to help this kid, you're a good cop," Doug continued.

"I don't know, Doug," Tom shook his head. "Am I?"

"Tom…"

"The last time I saw Kenny he was restrained in a chair. He begged me to help him escape… I told him to wait until the morning. Then he begged me to at least loosen his restraints so he could get some sleep… and I did it… That's why he escaped. I loosened up the restraints. He tried to escape and died, he suffocated in the air shaft."

Doug looked sympathetically to his friend. _He couldn't tell him what happened. Tom would certainly blame himself for the rape._ "You shouldn't blame yourself. Rafferty was responsible, not you…" he argued.

Tom rested his head on the couch and sighed. "I don't know… I am part of what happened, but I can't change the past."

"No, Tom, You can't… But… promise me. Next time, you talk to me…" Doug said.

Tom nodded.

 **A/N:** _Thank you very much for the review! I hope you're enjoying this story!_


	6. I'm not in love with you

**I'm not in love with you**

Amy walked into Tom's apartment and enveloped her boyfriend in a tight hug. She was worried about him and decided to come back. Even when Judy Hoffs called her to tell that they already found Tom, Amy couldn't stay in Hawaii. "What happened?" she asked in concern. "Your friend Judy called me, she said you were missing… Then she called me again. She told me they found you in a mental hospital."

Tom sighed. He was really tired to tell everyone what happened. "An investigation goes wrong," he said.

Amy looked at him in puzzlement. Obviously she wanted to hear more details.

"I went undercover to help a teenager; he was suffering in a clinic and I decided to investigate what was happened there… Things were out of control and they trapped me there… Then, I don't know why, they sent me to State Hospital…" he tried to explain to her in a few words what happened.

Amy looked at his boyfriend's wrists. "Did they hurt you?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Amy," he assured her. "It's nothing, really…"

"I love you," Amy whispered in Tom's ear, as she caressed his back.

Tom remained silent at his girlfriend statement. He knew what she expected from him. She expected him to say the three words to her. But he couldn't.

Amy sighed. Obviously, Tom didn't feel the same about her. She could see it in his eyes. _She heard it from his mouth. Judy… It happened a couple of weeks ago. It was the middle of the night and Tom was sleeping beside her. He muttered four single words: "I love you, Judy". It broke her heart, because she was already in love with him. So she travelled to Hawaii… It was an opportunity to forget Tom. But when Judy called her, she knew it was almost impossible. She was too in love with him to let it go. Tom belonged to her, she knew it._

"Amy, I…" he muttered.

 _I'm not in love with you…_

"It's okay," she said softly. "I guess you're not ready yet… I understand it. But I'm very patient… I'll wait until the day you tell me that you love me, Tom… We're meant to be together."

Tom remained silent and lowered his head.

Amy smiled at him softly and, enveloping him in her arms, kissed him.

Next day, Tom came back to work. Fuller looked at him and made a signal with his hand, pointing to his office.

Tom sighed and made his way to the office.

"Sit down," Fuller said to him, a strange smile on his face.

Tom sat down on the chair and waited. Oh, the lecture. He could clearly see it coming.

"Hanson," Fuller said, looking straight at him. "We were worried about you, we didn't know where you were…"

"Captain, I am…"

"No, let me finish it! You disobeyed my orders and put your life in danger…" Fuller said seriously. "We found you in a mental hospital. God knows what could happen to you there!"

Tom lowered his head.

"You never disobey my orders again, Hanson!" Fuller warned him. "Next time, I won't to the rescue… Is that clear?"

Tom nodded. "Yes…"

"Good…" Fuller said with a sarcastic smile on his face. "The clinic is under investigation…"

Tom nodded. "Good."

"Go back to work, Hanson," Fuller said and Tom started to walk way.

"Hey, Coach," Tom said, stopping in front of the door. "I am sorry…"

Fuller's expression softened. "I know, Hanson. You're a good cop, just need to better take care of yourself."

Tom let out a slight smile. "I'll try…"


	7. The break up

**The break up**

Tom walked to his desk and sighed. He didn't notice Judy approaching him. "Hey!" she said softly.

"Hey," Tom looked up at her, a slight smile forming across his lips.

"How are you doing?" she asked in genuinely concern.

"I'm fine," he replied. "I want to thank you for what you did for me…"

Judy smiled and hugged him, kissing his forehead. "You're very special to me, Tom… I'm so glad you're fine…"

Tom looked up at her and cleared his throat. "You're special to me too," he quietly confessed.

Their eyes met and for a moment Judy felt her heart racing. Her right hand moved almost unconsciously to Tom's face and caressed it.

Suddenly, her face flushed pink and she stepped back. "Sorry…" she said ashamed.

"It's okay," Tom muttered.

"I have some work to do," she said softly, walking back to her desk.

Tom nodded.

 _The truth was undeniable._

 _Judy was in his heart._

* * *

 _Chapel locker room_

"I'll break up with Amy," Tom told Doug calmly.

Doug looked at him and frowned. Tom was always complaining about Amy and it was quite annoying. So he thought it would be a good thing – for both of them. "Thank God!"

"Hey," Tom looked up at him.

"Look, you've been dating her for what? Twelve weeks? You're always talking about break up with her… It's quite annoying," Doug said.

Tom rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna hurt her… I like her, I care about her… But…"

"You two are both going crazy," Doug smirked.

"I know. It's just… I don't know how to break up with her," he quietly admitted. "

"I see," Doug nodded. "Well, well, well," he said, resting his hand over his friend's shoulder. "Look, all you have to do is drive her so crazy that she'll break up with you… I have to say it's very effective, personal experience…"

Tom laughed. _Classic Penhall_ , he thought. "I don't know, man… I told you, I really care about her, I just… I don't want to hurt her…"

Doug shrugged. "Well, I already told you the best way to do this…"

Tom rolled his eyes. "Yeah… I can see…"

* * *

 _Tom's apartment_

Tom heard the doorbell and sighed. He walked slowly and opened the door.

It was Amy.

"Hi," she said softly, hugging him tightly. Tom closed his eyes shut, as she kissed him.

"I love you so much," Amy said softly, caressing his face.

Tom felt incredible guilty. _Once again, her girlfriend was confessing her feelings for him. He couldn't keep this lie forever._ "Amy," he said, stepping back. "We need to talk…"

Amy stepped back. "Of course," she let out in a whisper.

"Look," Tom said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I care about you… but…"

"But what?" she frowned. "What are you trying to tell me?" a question she already knew the answer to. _Tom didn't love her and was about to break up their relationship._

"I'm not in love with you," Tom said and felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Finally he found the courage to speak. Amy was sweet girl and deserved the truth. She deserved to find love. _Real love._

Suddenly, the look in Amy's eyes became somber. "Don't!" she said, as tears filled her eyes. "You can't do this to me…"

"Amy…"

"We're meant to be together…" she said, grabbing his arm. "I really love you, Tom!"

"But I don't love you, Amy," Tom said softly, pulling away from her. "I am really sorry…"

"What's wrong with you?" she asked angrily. "Is it because of her, because of Judy?"

"Look, you should calm down," Tom said seriously.

Amy shook her head, trying to fight back the tears. "You don't know what you're doing… we're meant to be together… I already told you, you belong with me. You're mine and I'll never let you go… You need to understand, I…"

"I think you should leave," Tom said coldly. He didn't want things to end like this, but he barely recognized Amy. He liked her, but he won't tolerate her weird behavior.

Amy sighed heavily and walked towards the door. "This not ends here…" she said and closed the door after her.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you for everyone who's reading this story! I hope you're enjoying it._


	8. We're meant to be together

_**We're meant to be together**_

 _Chapel squadroom_

Tom looked blankly at the other officers. Amy's outburst was still in his head. _What happened to her? His ex-girlfriend was so sweet, why she was acting like a crazy obsessed woman?_

"Hey," Penhall let out his goofy smile.

Tom looked up at him and sighed. He was feeling drained by the last events. "Hi…"

"Are you okay?" Penhall asked.

"Not really," Tom quietly confessed. "Amy didn't react well when I talk to her …"

Penhall frowned. "What happened?"

"I dunno, man… She was acting weird, talking to me like she was obsessed…" Tom tried to explain.

"Obsessed?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah… She kind of threatened me…"

"Seriously?" Penhall asked in concern. "You should…" he was saying, but stopped, as he heard Fuller's voice.

"Hanson, Penhall, Hoffs, my office!" Fuller called the three officers.

* * *

 _Amy's apartment_

 _I don't love you, Amy._

Amy looked at the gun his father gave to her a year ago and sobbed. She never considered using the gun, but something changed inside her. Tom Hanson was consuming all her thoughts. The image of him was etched into her mind.

Night and day.

Day and night.

Tom was hers and only hers. He only needed to understand it.

No matter what.

 _Is it because of her, because of Judy?_

A single tear run down her face. She would rather Tom dead than possessed by Judy Hoffs…

Or any another woman.

Amy sighed heavily and looked again at the gun.

 _We're meant to be together._

* * *

 _Chapel_

Tom, Doug and Judy were assigned to a new case. Fuller required them to go undercover to investigate a murder of a 17-year-old girl named Samantha in a private school. She was stabbed in the back and left to bleed to death.

"She was so beautiful," Judy muttered, staring at a photo.

"Yeah, she was," Penhall sighed.

"We'll find out who did this to her…" Judy said, still staring at the photo.

Tom looked at her and let out a sad smiled. He admired Judy's noble nature. She really cared about people and her kindness was endless. "We'll do our best," he assured her.

Judy smiled at him. "And you? Are you ok? I mean, it's your first case after what happened in the clinic…"

"I'm doing fine," Tom replied. "It wasn't that bad…"

Penhall cleared his throat, as the memory of Rafferty's words crossed his mind. _"I'm really sorry for your friend, officer… He doesn't know what I did to him, he doesn't know he was raped… But I… I will always know. I will always now that I hurt him."_

Penhall closed his eyes for a second and wondered if Tom would be able to forgive him for keeping this secret.

"I need some coffee…" he said, walking away from them.

Judy nodded, didn't noticing the distress in Doug's eyes. "How's Amy?" She asked softly, turning to Tom.

"A little crazy, I think," Tom replied.

"What?" Judy frowned.

Tom sighed heavily. "We broke up," he quietly explained.

"I'm really sorry, Tom!" Judy said softly. "She seemed to be in love with you."

"But I'm not in love with her," he quietly admitted. "There's the problem…"

Judy cleared her throat. _She had feelings for Tom, but she kept it to herself since she was afraid of ruining their friendship._

 _And then there was Amy._

 _Tom and Amy seemed to be a great couple._

"So…It was you…" she muttered.

"Yeah… and she didn't handle it well…" Tom said.

"I don't understand…" Judy said in confusion.

"She said to me that I am hers… It was creepy," he explained. "She said that she won't let me go…"

"It's hard to believe," Judy said. "Amy seems so sweet…"

"Well, I barely recognized her, she seemed obsessed with me," Tom said sadly. "Look, I'm sorry…" he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly regretting telling her about Amy's outburst. "I shouldn't bother you with my problems…"

"You never bother me," she said softly. "This is serious…"

"I know…" Tom sighed heavily.

Taking a step forward, Judy put a hesitant hand on his face. "You should be careful…" she said in concern, caressing his face.

Tom closed his eyes at her touch. "Judy… I…" he stopped, as she pulled her hand away.

"Tom…" she muttered.

"Would you like to watch a movie with me tonight?" he asked.

* * *

 _Later that night_  
 _A video store_

"Seriously, a horror movie?" Judy asked, crossing her arms against her chest. They decided to rent a movie and go to Tom's apartment.

"Sorry…" Tom muttered.

Judy nodded. "Here…" she said, pointing to a particularly VHS tape.

"Back from the future?" Tom asked. "Seriously?"

"What can I say, I like Michael J. Fox… C'mon, pretty boy, I want to watch this movie… again," she said.

Tom let out a small laugh. "Okay, as your wish…"

* * *

 _Tom's apartment_

 _Where we're going, we don't use roads._

"I love this movie," Judy said, as she watched the DeLorean disappearing into the future.

Tom stared at her. "Yeah, it's not that bad…"

Judy turned to him and got lost in his eyes. They stared at each other in silence for a long moment. On the screen the credits began to roll, but they were no longer paying attention.

Suddenly Judy leaned at Tom and kissed him passionately. He almost immediately wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss.

"I.., I… don't know where that came from," she said ashamed, as she finally broke the kiss.

"It's okay, I…" Tom was saying, but he heard the doorbell. "Wait a minute," he said in frustration and , sighing heavily, walked to his door.

 _It was Amy._

"What do you want?" he promptly asked.

Amy didn't say a word; she just stormed into his apartment. "What's she doing here, Tom?"

Judy looked from her to Tom. "Look, Amy…"

"No," Tom said firmly. "Amy, please… Go away… We already talked. I don't want to be with you anymore…"

"And I already told you, Tom," she said and grabbed the gun out of her bag. "You belong with me…" she said, pointing it at him with shaking hands.

"Amy," Tom muttered. "Put the gun down…"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "You're mine, Tom!"

"Amy, please. Be reasonable and put the gun down. We can talk," Judy argued.

"You!" Amy turned the gun to Judy. "This is your entire fault! He changed because of you!"

Tom looked at her eyes and only saw madness. "Amy…" he muttered.

"It's your fault," Amy muttered and shot Judy.


	9. In a matter of seconds

**In a matter of seconds**

 _Tom's apartment_

Blood.

Blood in his hands.

Blood on the floor.

Judy.

Amy.

Everything happened in a matter of seconds. Amy shot Judy and just ran away. "Judy," Tom muttered her name and softly hold her in his arms. But the young woman remained still, her eyes closed.

Tom quickly grabbed the phone and called an ambulance. He looked in horror at the young woman who was bleeding on the floor. "Oh God! Judy! I'm so sorry…" he whispered, kneeling in front of her. "I'm really sorry…"

* * *

 _Hospital_

Doug arrived at the hospital. "How's she?" he asked in concern, resting his hand over Tom's shoulder. "Fuller and Ioki are coming…"

"The doctors have been working on her for two hours," Tom quietly explained.

Doug sighed heavily. "What happened? You told me Amy shot sher…"

Tom nodded quietly. "Judy and I were in my apartment, when Amy appeared… She pulled out a gun… Everything happened too fast, I couldn't stop her… I couldn't…"

Doug shook his head. "Man, it's so strange… I mean, she seemed to be a sweet girl…" _Amy seemed to be a sweet and gentle woman. It was hard to believe she would commit such a vile act. But his friend already told him about her outburst, how she was acting towards him. Doug knew people can change… No, Doug knew that sometimes people hide behind masks. Maybe the woman who shot Judy was the real Amy._

"I didn't recognize her. She shot Judy and ran…" Tom said sadly. "There was so much blood… I…"

"Judy will be okay," Doug assured Tom, resting his hand over his friend's shoulder. "She's a tough girl, she will survive."

Tom was about to say something, but turned his back as the doctor approached them. "Good night, I'm Doctor Carter," he said.

"How's she doing?" Tom promptly asked.

"She's in critical condition and on a respirator," the doctor explained and Tom closed his eyes in fear.

"Will she survive?" Doug asked and Tom felt a shiver ran down his spine.

"We don't know… We'll need to wait to see what will happen," the doctor said. "The next 24 hours will be crucial..."

Doug and Tom were trying to absorb the doctor's words. It was a hard to believe that Judy could die. "Can we see her?" Tom asked, already knowing the answer.

Doctor Carter shook his head. "No, I am sorry… Look, you should go home. You won't help her here, take some rest…"

Defeated, Tom stared at the doctor, as he left the waiting room. "Doug…" he muttered. "What if she…"

"She won't," Doug shook his head. "I told you, man… Judy is a tough girl, she…" his voice suddenly faltered.

"It's my fault…" Tom muttered. "It happened too fast… But I should've stopped Amy. I should've tried to take the gun from her…"

"Hanson…"

"It happened in a matter of seconds," Tom let out in a whisper. He could see the whole scene playing in his head.

Doug rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I'm pretty sure this is not your fault…"

Tom shook his head. "I'm not so sure… Kenny died, Judy is here in this hospital fighting for life, Mr. Rafferty… all of them…"

"What about Rafferty?" Doug frowned in confusion.

"I did everything wrong. If I wouldn't so dumb, Kenny would be safe and Rafferty wouldn't kill himself… Their bloods are in my hands, Doug. Every move I made was wrong…"

Doug grasped Tom's left arm. "You don't dare blame yourself for Rafferty's suicide."

"Doug…" Tom muttered. He almost didn't recognize his friend. Doug's eyes were very somber and he was angry.

 _So angry._

"You have no idea what this man was," he said angrily. Then he suddenly noticed how tightly he was holding his friend's arm and let it go. "Sorry…" he said, looking at his own hands.

"What's wrong with you?" Tom asked, rubbing his arm.

"Nothing," Doug shook his head. "I think I'm tired. I am really sorry… I…"

Tom was about to say something, but Fuller and Ioki appeared in the waiting room.

"Hanson," Fuller said. "How's Judy?"

"She… She…" Tom's voice faltered. He couldn't tell what was happening to Judy. He feared for her life, but couldn't say it.

"She's in critical condition and on a respirator," Doug quietly explained. "We'll need to wait to see how she'll react…"

"Hanson's girlfriend did this to her?" Ioki asked in puzzlement. The whole story seemed quite disturb.

Tom nodded. "She had a gun, I couldn't stop her…"

"But why?" Fuller frowned.

"I broke up with her and she didn't handle it well… She appeared in my apartment and… Everything happened too fast… Seconds… She ran away… And there was blood… blood in my hands… Blood everywhere… Amy… I didn't see her leaving…"

"Hanson…" Fuller said softly, noticing Tom's distress. "It's okay… You can explain everything later…"

Tom looked up at his superior and friends and felt embarrassed. Nothing he was saying made any sense. "I… need to go to the restroom…" he said and walked away.


	10. The truth

**The truth**

Tom stared at his reflection in the mirror and sighed. _How could he let Amy shot Judy? He should react fast, instead of watching the scene developing before his eyes._ _He would never forgive himself if Judy died._

 _Everything was his fault._

 _Kenny._

 _Rafferty._

 _Judy._

The young officer splashed cold water in his face and stared again at the mirror.

"Why, Amy? Why did you do this?" he quietly asked, closing his eyes. He didn't understand her ex-girlfriend's behavior.

"Hey, man," Doug said, walking into the bathroom. "Are you okay?"

Tom nodded. "I'm okay, Doug… Nothing bad happened to me. Kenny and Rafferty died. Judy is fighting for life… But I'm doing fine, no scratches…"

Doug sighed heavily, trying to calm himself down. "I already told you. Judy will be fine. You tried your best to help Kenny… and Rafferty… Well, he was scum, a damn rap…" he stopped himself. Certainly, he couldn't tell Tom the truth in the middle of the hospital's bathroom. "Look, forget it… Dr. Carter's right. We should take some rest…"

"Doug, what are you hiding from me?" Tom asked in concern.

"Nothing…" he said. "I think I'm a little nervous, that's all… Look, Fuller and Ioki won't stay here… And I think you should take some rest… You can stay in my place."

No," Tom shook his head. "I can't, Doug. I can't leave her here alone…"

"We're not helping Judy staying here," Doug argued. "C'mon, you need a bath and try to sleep…"

Tom sighed. His friend was right.

* * *

 _Chapel_  
 _Two days later_

Tom sighed heavily, as he closed his Mustang's door. Judy was still in the hospital, breathing trough a tube. When her parents appeared to see her, Tom could barely see them in the eyes. He felt ashamed for what Amy did. But fortunately they didn't blame him.

Then, Doctor Carter finally let them see her. Tom glared at her and felt his heart stop for a moment; seeing her on a hospital bed was heartbreaking.

 _"I'm really sorry," he whispered in her ear._  
Tom shook his head, trying to send the memory away. He decided to go back to work and help the other police officers to find Amy. He used to care about her, but not anymore. Not after what she did to Judy.

"Hanson?" Fuller asked in surprise, as he saw the young officer in the chapel. "I thought you would take a more few days off…"

Tom shook his head. "I'm okay, coach. Seriously, I'm ready to come back to work. I just… I know I need to see the shrink, it's the procedure."

"Yeah, it's the procedure," Fuller said, like he was studying him.

"I am fine," he assured Fuller, like reading his thoughts. "I'll talk to the detectives who are investigating the case. Then, I'll see the shrink. Ok?"

Fuller nodded. "Judy will be fine, Hanson."

"I hope so…"

* * *

 _Police Headquarters_

Tom sat in front detectives Wilson and Moore, who were working in the case and sighed. All he wanted was Amy locked up. After shot Judy, his ex-girlfriend ran away and nobody saw her. It was like she disappeared into thin air.

"I looked at her eyes and only saw madness," Tom explained. "Amy shot Judy with no hesitation."

"A crime of passion," detective Wilson muttered. "We'll do our best to catch her, Officer Hanson," He assured him. "You and Ms. Hoffs did the right thing at your apartment," he added.

Tom remained silent.

 _He wasn't so sure._

"Her parents said they didn't know where she is," detective Moore, explained. "Do you have any idea where she is; any place where she could hide?"

Tom shook his head. "No…"

"Don't worry; we'll do our best to put Amy behind the bars…" Moore assured him.

* * *

 _Shrink's office_

Tom looked at the Dr. Lefèvre uncomfortable. He didn't want to talk to him, but it was a rule, since he was involved in a shooting. He was pretty sure that talk to this man wouldn't make him feel better.

"So…" the psychiatrist looked at him attentively. "I want you to feel comfortable. I'm not here to pressure you. I only want to be sure you're fine. Your colleague in Jump Street was shot by your ex-girlfriend. How're you coping?"

"It's hard, but I'll be okay," he assured the shrink. "I m sure Judy will be fine, she's a tough girl…"

"Judy was shot by your ex-girlfriend in front of you, I'm pretty sure this is hard. Are you sharing this with your friends or family?"

Tom sighed. "Look, sharing my feelings with somebody or cry… You know, these kinds of things don't make me feel better… Cry won't change what happened," he said.

"I see…" Dr, Lefèvre said. "You want to keep your emotions inside… How are you dealing with the guilt?"

"Guilt?" Tom raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you're a cop. A really good cop, that's what I heard… It's normal if you're questioning yourself."

Tom remained silent.

"Do you think you could stop Amy?" the man insisted.

Tom cleared his throat. "Look, I'm fine… People worry too much about me… But I'm safe. Nothing happened to me…"

"Do you think something should happen to you?" Dr. Lefèvre asked.

"Maybe," Tom quietly confessed. "I would be happy to put myself in front of Judy… But I… It happened too fast… Amy changed, she was obsessed with me and Judy tried to talk to her, but… she was angry… she blamed her…"

"Are you and agent Hoffs being romantically involved?" the shrink asked. "That's why she was at your apartment?"

"I dunno," Tom replied honestly. "We kissed… I care about her, I love her… But love wasn't enough to protect her from my psycho ex-girlfriend. My good intentions were not good enough to help Kenny."

 _So, there he was, sharing his feeling with a completely strange._

"Who's Kenny?" Dr. Lefèvre promptly asked.

"It doesn't matter… Look, I'm having rough days…" Tom said.

"Well, this is the reason you're here," Dr. Lefèvre said and Tom let out a small laugh. "So… Tell me who this Kenny guy is…"

* * *

 _Doug's apartment_  
 _Later that night_

Doug walked into his apartment and found Tom sitting on the couch watching TV. Tom had been in his apartment since the shooting, sleeping on his couch. It was an opportunity, Doug thought, to tell his friend the truth about what happened to him at the clinic. Tom had a strong soul, but Doug wasn't sure how he would deal with the cold, cruel truth. In his apartment, he could keep an eye on his friend.

 _It's about time, Doug._

 _You can't keep the secret anymore._

 _He has the right to know what happened to him._

"I saw Judy… The doctor said she's doing fine… he said they'll remove the tube tomorrow," he said, sitting next to him.

Tom sighed in relief. "Seriously?"

Doug nodded. "She'll survive… Everything is gonna be okay. I…" Doug rubbed the back of his neck. "I have to talk to you about something… I can't keep the secret anymore… You had the right to know the truth…"

Tom frowned. He knew his friend was hiding something from him. Doug was acting strange, distressed. "You know you can trust me…"

"It was never the problem, Hanson," Doug let out a slight smile. "It's about Rafferty…"

"Rafferty?" Tom looked at his friend in puzzlement. "What about him?"

"He confessed something to me, before he killed himself," Doug said sadly.

Tom frowned in confusion. "Confessed what?"

Doug took a deep, hard breath. "He did something to you, Tom; something you don't remember…"

"What are you talking about?"

"He raped you…"


	11. Falling

**Falling**

 _Doug took a deep, hard breath. "He did something to you, Tom; something you don't remember…"_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _He raped you…"_

Tom blinked his eyes in confusion, as he heard the words his friend was saying. "I… I'm sorry… I didn't understand," he muttered. _Did he friend was just telling him that Rafferty raped him? This didn't make any sense. He would know if something like that had happened to him._ _He would certainly remember._

Penhall clenched his fists and lowered his head. He knew how hard this conversation would be. "He raped you while you were sedated. That's why you don't remember… I'm really sorry. I didn't know how to tell you this, but you deserve to know what happened to you in that clinic…"

Tom felt his legs weak. _They sedated him, more than once. He remembered when Rafferty himself did it. But how could his friend know what happened behind that closed doors?_ "Doug… How… how do you know what happened to me?" He asked in a shaky voice.

"He confessed it to me before he killed himself," Doug quietly explained, without face his friend in the eyes.

Tom closed his eyes and took a step back.

" _Let me go…"_

" _No… You still need my help, but don't worry," Rafferty said, caressing his face._ _"I will take care of you…"_

"Tom?"

Tom shuddered at the memory. "Oh God!" Feeling really nauseous, he rushed for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Doug's face contorted in concern, as he heard his friend retching.

" _Are you alright?" Doug asked, after gently knocked the door. He sighed as he heard the tap running. "I'm really sorry, man… I… I couldn't keep the secret anymore… I had to tell you what happened…"_

 _Every word Doug spoke was like a knife twisting in Tom's brain, and he shut his eyes tight to block his friend out._

 _Don't touch me._

 _The bile rose in his throat again and Tom splashed cold water in his face before stare at the mirror._

 _He raped you._

 _He raped you while you were sedated._

"Tom… Do you need help?" Doug asked in concern.

"Go! Please go!" Tom shouted.

"Tom," Doug whispered, the hurt obvious in his voice. He opened the door a fraction. "I'm really sorry…"

Tom turned his head and looked up at him in anger. "You… How could keep it from me?"

"I… I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to hurt you," Doug confessed. "But the secret…It was eating me alive!"

"I need to be alone…" Tom said, embracing himself.

"Tom…"

"Please…" the young police officer pinched his eyes closed.

"You're my best friend, Tom… I was trying to protect you, but… I… I'm sorry, please, forgive me," Doug said in a shake voice.

Tom shook his head. "Please, go…"

Doug nodded resignedly. His friend certainly needed some space to think about what happened. "I'll go, but if you need something…"

"I won't," Tom said coldly.

Doug sighed heavily and left the apartment.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you for the followers and favorites :)_


	12. In the darkened night

**In the darkened night**

 _On the streets_

It was cold outside. Clouds covered the moon and the stars, making the sky even darker. Tom walked slowly down the streets, hands in his pockets. He was feeling filthy and ashamed. Penhall's words were dancing in his mind, making him wonder if he could stay sane.

 _He raped you while you were sedated._

 _You're my best friend._

 _I was trying to protect you._

He stopped in front a bar. He wanted to forget what he couldn't even remember. _His rape_. He was so damn confused. How could he not remember he was raped? As a cop, Tom knew it was possible, but he never thought it would happen to him.

He walked slowly and took a sit. He ordered a beer and sipped it quickly. Everything in his life was going wrong. He should listen to his Captain. He was too stubborn to obey Fuller's orders and Kenny died and he was raped by Rafferty. Tom's stomach lurched as the memory of Rafferty's hands on his face. He knew something was wrong. The way Rafferty looked at him made shivers ran down his spine.

"Please," Tom raised his head. "I want another beer…"

 _You're not being smart, pretty boy…_

Tom cupped his face with his hands.

 _He didn't deserve to be a cop; he didn't deserve Judy's affection._

 _Judy…_

Tom quickly sipped the other beer. _He was a completely failure and was quickly leading her to nothing but pain. He couldn't start a relationship with secrets and lies. But he couldn't even imagine talking to her about his rape. He truly loved Judy and could never hurt her._

 _She certainly deserved better._

Tom sighed heavily and asked for another beer.

 _Sometimes love just is not enough._

"Another one, please," Tom said with a shake voice.

 _He knew what he had to do. It would be hard, but it was the right thing to do. He should get away from Judy. He couldn't be with her, not anymore._

* * *

 _At the hospital_  
 _Waiting room_

"She'll be fine," Dr. Carter assured Judy's parents. "We'll remove her tube today and she'll be able to breathe by herself."

Judy's mother nodded with teary eyes. _She was always so proud of her daughter. She was a good police officer. In the beginning, her mother prayed night and day for her safety. After all Judy would deal with the worst of the human beings. But, little by little, her concerns started to fade. Today in front of the doctor she could barely believe her beautiful daughter was shot by Tom's girlfriend._

"Bring my daughter back to me, doctor," she said softly.

Doctor Carter nodded. "I'll do my best…"

* * *

 _Still at the hospital_  
 _Judy's room_

Dr. carter looked at Judy and smiled. "It's time to remove your tube, sweetheart," he said and turned his face to the nurses. "Let's go!"

The doctor started the procedure removing the tape that held the tube in place. Then he deflated the balloon and gently pulled the tube out. "C'mon," he said. "It's time for you to breath of your own…"

"Welcome, Judy," he said.


	13. Come back to me (part one)

**Come back to me (part one)**

 _Tom's apartment_

"Amy…" Tom muttered, his eyes still closed. His dream sent him back to the night Judy was shot.

 _Amy was in his apartment, in the middle of his living room, pointing her gun to Judy._

" _Please, Amy," Judy said. "Let's talk about it…"_

" _You… It's your fault," Amy muttered, her hand trembling. Tom was fast. He pulled out his own gun and shot her._

 _Amy screamed in pain and fell to the ground. "You betrayed me," she said, her blood filling the floor. "You think… You think you can be with her, but you can't, Tom… She'll… never forgive… you… You let that man touch you, rape you… You're filthy. No one cares about you… Only me."_

"Amy…" He muttered, as he opened his eyes, in a cold sweat. He blinked as the sunlight streamed in the room and rubbed his forehead.

Last night he drank too much and now he had to deal with a terrible headache. He slowly put himself up and walked to his bathroom. A good one cold shower certainly would help him to get better.

Sighing heavily he turned on the faucet and let the cold water gently touch his body.

 _You let that man touch you, rape you…_

The memory of Amy's words in his nightmare hit him hard. He suddenly realized how much he was blaming himself. It wasn't Amy who was talking, it was himself.

 _And they were true. He did everything wrong and paid the price._

Tom clenched his fists in anger. Rafferty stole everything from him, his proud, his dignity, Judy… everything… But he would never put the bastard behind bars. He would never pay for his crime, at least not properly.

He left the shower and walked into his bedroom. He needed to go to work. He couldn't make Rafferty pay for his crime, but Amy should pay for almost kill Judy. He vowed himself to help the other officer to arrest his ex-girlfriend.

 _Then he would quit the force._

* * *

 _Chapel_

Tom walked into the chapel and slowly walked to his desk. His head was still throbbing and he cursed himself for drink like a fish.

"Are you okay?" Penhall asked in concern, standing before him. "You didn't come back home. Last night… I…"

"I'm fine," Tom lied. "You don't need to worry about me," he said in a cold tone of voice. He was still mad at his friend for keeping the secret from him for so long.

Doug sighed heavily. He knew his friend enough to tell he was still mad at him. "I'll always worry about you. Tom, you're like a brother to me… I was only trying to protect you, you need to believe me…"

Tom lowered his head. "I need time…" he said softly. "Either way, I don't wanna talk about it here…"

Doug nodded. "You're right… eh," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I talk to Judy's father. Dr. Carter removed the tube. Judy woke up," Doug said.

Tom couldn't help but smile, as he heard the words. "Judy's safe."

"She'll be fine… She'll come back to us…" Doug said. "I'll go to the hospital… Do you want to come with me?"

Tom's heart seemed froze for a second. _Of course he wanted to see Judy, but truth was he couldn't. He needed to be strong to face the truth: they were not meant to be together. He was raped, he wasn't, he couldn't be, the same Tom Hanson._

 _He couldn't offer to her a broken heart._

"Tom?" Penhall frowned.

"I… I can't… I have some work… some work to do," he muttered.

Doug winced. _Obviously his friend was lying to him._ "C'mon, man… This work is so important?"

"Sorry, I can't…" Tom looked up at his friend. "Really…"

"But you'll see her later…" Doug said in concern.

"Of course…" Tom lied. "She's my friend," he let out a fake smile, but it was like Doug could see through his eyes.

"Okay,' Doug said, lowering his head. I should keep my mouth shut, he regretted. His friend was obviously tormented and deeply conflicted by the truth.

 _He was a failure like friend._

 _But he would help his best friend._

 _No matter what._

* * *

 _At the hospital_

"She finally opened her eyes," Judy's mother said. "My daughter is a fighter…"

"Of course she is," Doug said. "She's wonderful… We really love her…"

"Where's Tom?" Judy's mother asked. "Her friend Harry already was here and Captain Fuller."

Doug rubbed the back of his neck. "He'll see her soon," he lied. "He really cared about her…"

Judy's mother quietly nodded. "I don't know exactly what's happening between them, Doug… But… My daughter really, really, likes him… She muttered his name at night. I hope this Amy pay for what she did to my daughter…"

"The officers are doing their best to catch her…" Doug assured her.

"I know…" she muttered. "C'mon, let's go… She'll be happy to see you."

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favorites :)_


	14. Come back to me (part two)

**A/N:** _ **This chapter contains references to season's one "Blindsided".**_

 **Chapter fourteen**

 _Hospital_

"Hi, princess," Doug muttered softly. He looked at his friend's face and felt a lump on his throat. Judy's mouth was pale and she seemed weak.

"Hi," Judy said weakly, trying to smile.

"You're doing well," Doug said emotionally. Seeing his friend lying on a hospital bed whispering words was breaking his heart. "Soon, you'll go back home…"

Judy sighed heavily. "Where's Hanson?" she asked.

Doug rubbed the back of his neck. "He'll see you later… He can't be here now, has a lot of work to do, you know how it is."

"Is he fine? I mean, Amy didn't hurt him… Did she?" she asked in angst. Her mother assured her Tom was fine, but she still feared for his safety.

Doug quickly shook his head. "No, she didn't. Tom's fine, really… He can't be here now, but he'll see you soon," he promised.

"You're not lying to me, don't you?" she asked suspiciously.

"Of course not," he said softly. "Look, he's really worried about you… and he will be here to see you…"

Judy smiled. "I miss him…" she said weakly.

Doug frowned. "You should rest… Don't worry, he'll see you…"

* * *

 _Chapel locker room_

Doug walked slowly into the locker room and looked at Tom. He didn't want to upset his friend, but Tom needed to see Judy.

"Hey, man," Doug said, standing in front of him.

Tom looked up. "Did you see Judy? How's she?" he asked in genuine concern.

"She wants to see you," Doug quickly replied.

"I'll go tomorrow," Tom said, lowering his head.

 _Doug knew it was a lie, but he didn't understand why his friend was avoiding Judy. Was it because of Amy or because he was raped? Or both? Then Doug suddenly realized it. Tom had feelings for Judy and he was too ashamed to see her._ "You need to see her today," he said firmly.

"Doug…"

"She's deadly worried about you," Doug snapped at him. "She was afraid that Amy hurt you too…"

Tom looked at his friend with wide eyes. "She shouldn't worry about me…"

"But the truth is she cares about you… and you care about her," Doug said, shaking his head. "You two are in love with each other…"

Tom rubbed the back of his neck. "We're friends…"

Doug smirked. "There it is. The _look_. Like her, you have a twinkle in your eyes. You're in love with her. I knew it…"

"It doesn't matter!" Tom shouted at him. "I can't be with her…"

"Why?" Doug asked, fearing the answer.

"You know exactly why," Tom said sadly. "I'm filthy… I can't do this to her; she deserves better…"

Doug sighed heavily. "You're not filthy… What happened wasn't your fault…"

"I shouldn't go to that clinic, I should've listen to our captain," Tom shook his head. "I was too stubborn to listen to him and I was… Oh God! _It was my entire fault_ ," his voice cracked.

"Do you remember Diane Nelson?" Doug asked.

"Of course I remember," Tom frowned. "What she…" he suddenly stopped. _He could remember the raining day when Diane Nelson stormed into his Mustang and offered "Tom McQuaid" $1.700 to kill her own father. Tom started to wonder why a young teenager like Diane would want her father dead. Then he started his own investigation and found out that Diane was a victim of abuse, her father, Captain Nelson, was raping her._

"You visited her in the hospital. You told me the paramedics had to sedate her after you shoot her father… Do you remember what she told you?" Doug asked, looking straight into his friend eyes.

Tom lowered his head. "She was afraid no one would like her again because she was molested."

" _I'm disgusting", she said to him and he felt his heart breaking in pieces._

 _Tom remembered. He could say nothing. He just kissed her forehead, knowing that nothing he would say would console her._

"She was wrong then and you're wrong now. You're not filthy, Tom. Rafferty molested you, he was filthy. You… You have the right to be happy, to find someone," Doug said emotionally, resting a hand over Tom's shoulder. "You're like a brother to me and I won't let you blame yourself for this."

Tom shut his eyes closed. "You're like a brother to me too…"

Doug gave him his bear hug. "Sorry for keep the secret… I didn't know what to do… Forgive me…"

"I forgive you, Doug," Tom said. "I forgive you."


	15. Come back to me (part three)

**Come back to me (part three)**

 _Hospital_

Tom stared at the room's door and sighed heavily. Judy was waiting for him, wanting to see him. She cared about him, but then she didn't know what happened to him in that clinic. For a minute Tom wondered what would be her reaction.

He shook his head, trying to send the thought away. _This_ wasn't about him. Judy was recovering from Amy's brutal attack and for sure he wouldn't upset her with his problems.

He walked slowly into the room and carefully opened the door. He looked at the hospital's bed.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Tom…" she said, trying to rise from the bed. This attempt however only made her wince.

"Hey, let me help you," he walked toward her and tried to adjust the bed, so she could be more comfortable.

"Thank you," she said softly, touching Tom's face. "You're fine," she looked at him upside down.

"Yeah…" Tom sighed heavily. _She was worried about him, Doug didn't lie after all._

"I was afraid she…" Judy's voice trailed off.

"No," Tom quickly tranquilized her. "I'm fine, really… You shouldn't worry about me… Amy hurt you and I'm really sorry…"

"She was so… lost. When I saw her in your apartment… The gun in her hands… She was obsessed with you," Judy muttered. "My mother said she managed to run away…"

Tom lowered his head. "I'm sorry…" he quietly muttered. "You were bleeding and I couldn't react fast enough to catch her…"

"It's not your fault," she protested. "I feared she would hurt you…"

"She didn't," Tom said. _It was incredible how concerned about him she was. Even lying in a hospital bed, Judy was worried about him._

Tom leaned over her and kissed her forehead. "Everything is gonna be okay."

Judy breathed hard and put her arm around Tom's neck. _She went to a dark place, a place between life and death. She almost could see Charon around her. It made you think about your life, your priorities. Tom was what she wanted, so she would fight for him._

She caressed his face and kissed him softly.

As she finally broke the kiss, Tom looked at her with wide eyes. His heart was beating fast. "Judy…" he muttered under his breath and lowered his head.

"What's wrong?" she frowned.

Tom felt a lump on his throat. He couldn't tell her what happened, why he felt so insecure. But then he remembered Doug's words:

 _"You're not filthy, Tom. Rafferty molested you, he was filthy. You… You have the right to be happy, to find someone."_

Maybe Doug was right. What happened wasn't his fault. Maybe, just maybe, he had the right to be happy. Maybe, just maybe, he could get over it and started a new life.

 _Why not?_

"Nothing," he quietly muttered. "I was deadly worried about you. I was afraid you…" his voice trailed off. "You almost died in my arms…"

"I think I am a tough girl," Judy smiled at him.

"Yeah, I think you are," he said, caressing her face.

* * *

 _A week later  
A motel room_

Amy stared at the window and a single tear came down her face. She lost control of her life, letting love guide her actions. Because it was she named her actions: love . In her mind, nothing changed. Tom was her and only hers. But now everything changed. She didn't know if Judy survived or not, but it didn't matter.

 _Her life was over._

Judy was a police officer and Amy knew for sure that the other police officers would do everything to put her behind bars, including Tom. It was only a matter of time. She couldn't hide forever. But it didn't matter as well. The truth hit her hard.

 _Tom would never come back to her._

Amy looked at her gun and made her decision. Her life was already over and honestly Tom would never come back to her, at least, not willingly. She wouldn't let that stupid Judy ruin her plans. She would give Tom his last chance. He could accept his fate or die.


	16. A bullet in the darkness

**A bullet in the darkness**

 _Judy's apartment_  
 _At night_

"Welcome back home, Judy," Tom said, as he opened her apartment's door. After three weeks, Judy finally was back home.

Judy's eyes filled with tears. It felt good to be back home again.

"Are you okay?" Tom asked in concern.

Judy nodded. "Yeah… It's just… It's so good to be back," she said emotionally. "I missed this… my apartment, my bed…"

Tom smiled at her. "I understand…"

Judy rested her head against Tom's chest. "It's good to be here with you," she said softly.

Tom kissed her softly. "Everything's gonna be okay," he said.

"I really need a shower… a real shower…" she sighed heavily. "You'll be here with me, don't you?"

Tom nodded. "Go… I'll order a pizza and we can see a movie… _The Terminator_. What do you think?"

"You really like these movies," she said, rolling her eyes.

Tom shrugged. "Take your shower. I'll wait here…"

Twenty minutes later, Judy was again in her living room. "You look beautiful," Tom looked at her amusement. She was wearing white sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

Judy smiled at him. "Thank you…"

"I'll rent our movie and buy a something to eat… I'll be back soon…" he said.

"I'll wait…" she said, kissing his forehead.

Tom walked out and Judy sat on her couch. She took the remote control and turned the TV on.

A couple of minutes later, she looked at the table and saw Tom's wallet. She smiled and, taking the wallet with her, walked out of her apartment.

* * *

 _In front of Judy's building_

In front of Judy's building, Amy patiently waited. She knew the risk she was taking, but she didn't care anymore.

She sighed heavily as Tom finally left the building. He was alone.

 _Exactly like she wanted._

"You'll come with me," she pointed her gun at him. "And don't even think of resisting … I swear to God, Tom, I'm going to put a bullet in your head."

Tom raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. He still could see the madness in her eyes. "Amy… calm down…"

Amy shook her head. "No… I don't wanna calm down. It's your last chance, Tom. C'mon, my car is there…"

Judy walked off her building and her heart stopped for a moment, when she saw Amy pointing her gun against Tom. She quickly pulled out her gun and defensively pointed it at Amy.

"Drop the gun!" she ordered.

Tom felt his heart sank. He couldn't allow Amy hurt Judy again. "Judy's, it's okay… Amy, I'll go with you… Just leave her out of this…"

"Drop the gun!" Judy ordered again, ignoring what Tom just said.

"You'll never understand," Amy said, still pointing the gun at Tom. "He's mine… If I can't have him, nobody will…"

Judy felt her heart pounding hard. Amy was clearly threatening Tom's life. She had to think fast. She sighed heavily and shot Amy.

Judy's hands were still trembling, as Amy fell to the ground. Tom took the gun from his ex-girlfriend and checked her pulse. "She's dead," he said, with a shake of his head.

A single tear streamed down Judy's face. Amy was the first person she had to kill. "She would kill you…" she muttered.

Tom looked up at her. "I know…" he said softly and pulled her in his arms. "I'm really sorry, Judy… I'm really sorry…"

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you for the reviews._


	17. My love for you

**A/N:** This is the last chapter.  
I'm really happy to finish my first 21 Jump Street fanfic.  
I would like to thank to everyone who read and enjoyed my story!

* * *

 **My love for you**

 _Tom's apartment_  
 _Two weeks later_

 _I'll be right here, E. T. said_

 _Bye, Elliott said emotionally._

"I really like this movie," Judy said. Two weeks had passed since Amy's death. Internal Affairs cleared her in the shooting and she could sigh in relief. She was still trying to come to terms with the shooting. She never killed before and it was really hurting her. Amy was clearly unstable and maybe if she found someone to help her…

Tom smiled. "Yeah… Not so bad," he said, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Judy caressed his face. If she didn't pull the trigger, Amy would kill Tom. It was sad, but she didn't have other choice. "I love you," she let out in a whisper.

Tom felt his heart sank. The words suddenly trapped in his throat. _He did love Judy. He wanted to tell the same words to her. But then his past was haunting him._

As Tom remained silent, Judy sighed heavily. Maybe it was too soon to confess her love for him. "I'm sorry… I just…"

"No, don't be sorry," Tom said sadly. "I… I do love you, Judy… But there's something I need to tell you," he said seriously. "And I fear it'll change the way you feel about me…"

Judy looked at him in concern. "Jesus, Tom! What are you talking about?"

Tom breathed hard. He feared Judy's reaction, but was decided to tell her the truth. She had the right after all to know what happened to him in the clinic. "When I was trapped in that clinic… something happened to me…" he cleared his throat.

Judy frowned. She could see how nervous Tom was. "Tom…"

"I don't remember but… Rafferty… He confessed to Penhall what he did to me, he confessed it before he committed suicide…" Tom said, lowering his eyes.

Judy looked at Tom in confusion. "I… I don't understand…"

Tom breathed in and out, trying to calm himself. "He raped me, Judy," Tom quietly confessed. "He sedated me and raped me…"

Judy stared at him in shock. She could barely believe her ears. "He… what?" her voice faltered.

"He raped me, Judy," he said again, his voice full of pain. "I nee… needed to… tell you… You have the right to… know. I'll understand if you… If you don't want to see me anymore…"

Judy looked at him with sad eyes. "Why would I don't want see you anymore?" she asked in confusion, still trying to process what Tom was saying.

"Because I'm filthy," he said ashamed.

She quickly pulled him in her arms. "No, you're not! Oh God, Tom! You're not," she said emotionally.

"You…" Tom's voice faltered. "You don't care… You still want to be with me…"

"Tom, I do love you…" she said, as tears streamed down her face. "Nothing can change that…"

"I love you too," he whispered in her ear.

* * *

 _A month later_  
 _A nightclub_

It was Judy's birthday and all officers decided to went out. They decided to give her a night full of music to forget the past events.

"Let's dance," Judy smiled at Tom.

"I dunno… I'm a terrible dancer," Tom said.

"Officer Hanson," she said, sitting on his lap. "It's my birthday… You promised do everything I want."

"C'mon, Hanson," Penhall said. "Do as the lady says…"

"Fine…" he said, faking frustration.

They walked onto the dance floor. "Are you happy?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks to you… And you? Are you happy?"

"Never be happier in my entire life," she said and kissed him.

 _The end._


End file.
